Jokes

Circling Circles


Santa had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Santa to pull over.
When Santa did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Santa, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to Santa's car and cut up his leather seats.
When he turned around, Santa had a slight grin on his face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a bat out of his truck and breaks every window in his car. When he turns and looks at Santa, he has a smile on his face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all his tires.
Now Santa's laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of petrol, pours it on his car and sets it on fired.
He turns around and Santa is laughing so hard he is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
Santa replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!!"

 

The Call

The worried Preeto sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
"How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said Preeto, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman. I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call Ashok at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"Ashok?" said Preeto. "Who's Ashok?"
"Why, Ashok! Your husband!....Is this 2369125?
"No, this is 2369135."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and Preeto said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

 

The Accident


A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

 

 

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